Fridays should be good days...

But this one is not starting well... actually it's more of a spill over from Thursday evening.  Day started like every other, way too farting early, but twist on Thursday was no carpool buddy... I had a doctor's appointment.  With that left work all of 45 minutes early, "enjoyed" 30 minutes (mostly wait time) with Dr. Second Base, she told me to keep massaging both the girls, things were looking good and I'd see her at the end of March.

Yes, Doctor appointments are getting easier... we're working on less frequent.

From there I got a good coffee, because well, that is what you do after doctor appointments (its like RIGHT there), then I headed North, to the Dollar Store for goodie bags and goodies for the Ladies' Group meeting this weekend.  Why me do you ask?  Because Aunt Ing is a major league dork and can't keep her mouth shut.  When our head-who-its in charge wanted to buy nick-knack crap I opened my yap-- and that boys and girls is how one gets volunteered to handle gift bags for friendship meeting.  Lesson learned.

Soooo to the Dollar Store, got what I needed, and gave thought to heading to the lodge to drop off stuff, but then cold, chunky rain was falling from the sky and quickly turning paved surfaces into an ice skating rink..so Aunt Ing opted to head home.  Home I went, let the dog out, changed clothes, finished my coffee, enjoyed my DVR'd episodes of Downton Abby, after I printed labels for the gift bags, and made them look pretty.... then Bubba called.  (insert downer music here)

He's headed to a lodge event (I know!!)  but he's stuck in traffic.  Now here is the thing with that -- he can look out of windows in his office building and SEE first hand what the traffic situation is on this road... and if you see an issue he as no less than 2-3 other options to get home.  Does he do this?  Have you read this blog (or the previous one) before???

So he gets home, changes clothes and in the mean time, manages to bark at me to get the mail - because we all know the world will end if the mail sits in the box for more than 12 hours... then he grumps because laundry hasn't been done;  there wasn't enough laundry to waste the water or the soap last weekend, I said as much -- guess what I started last night?  I did one load just to say I did something.  I also loaded the dishwasher and washed dishes got the bags done and enjoyed sole control of the remote.  We briefly discussed my trip to the Plastic Surgeon Thursday and he actually said "you and she conspired to make those too small".   I have been chewing on this since then... this is a carry over from the bitching and moaning that occurred Tuesday night when we were on our way to an installation together.   Does he actually think that I sat in that doctor's office and said, "Ohh let's make my life really fun - because you know breast cancer isn't enough of a good time -- I really want to piss off my husband with small boobs."   Never in a ba-zillion years... They are what they are -- if I get rid of some of this belly it probably wouldn't be such an issue.  That is an April goal.

But I mean seriously?!?!  I frankly I like being a new member of the ity-bitty-tittie club.  And in the long run he should be glad too - but he isn't.  Bubba is male.  Bubba is a dork.  And I'm going to enjoy another good coffee today just because -- and so I don't eat crap.   Learning new coping ideas... making sure I get the skinny version.  :-)

Off to go do something work related before I get fired.

Stay turned it's a busy weekend with people who don't like me.

It's Friday yeah.... it's snowing.... yeah... it is supposed to snow Sunday.... just shoot me now.

Ever have one of those days?!?

Not really all that bad, but not really all that good, I mean it's freaking Friday... and yet I have a raging case of the blas....

This has been the longest 4 day week on record.

Now granted we haven't see much sun, so I'm sure that is part of the problem, and work is a bit un-challenging at the moment, and the volunteer groups are ramping up to make me crazy and ensure I have NO down time what so ever...

I'm having thoughts that I want a career change, then I think, why rock this boat on calm and steady waters?

Then I think, 8 hours of busy work, and I begin to question my life again...

Then I remember I like the people I work with and for -- for a change...

Then I remember my gov boss told me to keep my resume updated...

Then I remember to be grateful for what I have and quit whining....

I'm going to blame the meeting tomorrow for this mood.  Yeah let's go with dealing with the adults who run the youth group... and my inability to offer up any workable suggestion that MIGHT get implemented...

I just keep chanting... "head down, mouth shut" it will keep me out of trouble. 

All right I have things to finish, and thankfully a short day at work before I start more running when I get home.. but up side - there is a nail appointment in there somewhere..

Life can't be all bad if you have pretty nails right??

Vanity thy name is Aunt Ing.

Am I wrong here???

For a change this spouting of drivel is not about Bubba... I know!

This spouting fountain of discontentment is about my girls group -- I have several - nay many peeves with which to pop off...

Let's start with the adults - and let's start with the head adult who supposedly is in charge of this group for the entire state.   Well apparently that isn't good enough for this woman... the past two years she was head of the entire National organization... yeah for her.

We spent a small or not so small fortune putting on a show last summer for her so she could sit on her fanny and bask in the blood, sweat, and tears of those who made it work (I was not among those chosen few), and that fortune was also in political and personal capital and I personally saw a lot of new bodies with no clue what their job was to entail until the last possible minute.

So -- she finished her two years as National-who-its-in-charge; and returns to Maryland triumphant upon the backs of those who did her bidding.... and we frankly have not see hide nor hair of 9/10's of these people since.  And I'm not just talking about all the extra bodies for the national convention, I'm talking about people who have responsibilities for the state functions -- especially and including the illustrious leader herself.  She still holds TWO -- yes TWO national titles, and now I am told is going after another National position in the Ladies' Group.  WTH???

The girls' group in Maryland is hanging on by it's fingernails, and you're off campaigning for another National title??  Are you nuts??  We're supposed to have our annual adult retreat weekend THIS Saturday -- as of today (Tuesday) there is NO data as to location or start time.  I've been making jokes about dressing warmly as we'll be meeting in parking lots... I fear this is not far off from the truth.

My chant from now until Sunday morning for the adult meeting is "keep your head down and your mouth shut... "  I may get it temp tattooed on my hand.  Because at least once during these meetings I managed to open my yap and endear myself to these people all over again.  I really have to stop making suggestions on how to get stuff done in a timely manner, and other wild and crazy ideas like starting meetings on time, and oh my favorite -- planning ahead!!!  GASP!  SHOCK! HORROR...

Yeah repeat after me... "keep your head down and your mouth shut... "
Ohmmmmm

OK so now on to the "leadership" of this crowd. There are 4 women who have title of Senior-who-its.  (Not the official one ... but you get the jest...)  The one Senior-who-its from my neck of the woods, attends things on a hit or miss basis because she and her husband are also in the title collecting business but in DC.  Her husband is especially proficient at the collection... the next Senior-who-its; who was in charge and who ironically liked me, disappeared right after the National convention and frankly there isn't a soul who can blame her, working in her neck of the words is Senior-who-its #3, who is also in charge of the girls' state wide group for raising monies for the scholarship and operating expenses... haven't seen her since July either... oh and did I mention that for the past um-teen years at least one of my kids has led that group??!?  Including this one?    And lastly Senior-who-its #4 who it is now rumored has resigned her post, but she's the only one who 1) communicates with the outside world,  2) gets stuff done, and 3) shows up to any of these state wide events.... bonus - she doesn't like me either.

Now I can grant you all of these people will be at the retreat (in the parking lot) this weekend.  They will hang on Head Lady's words as if they were dripped in gold.  I will be playing solitaire on my computer and chanting... head down... yap shut... head down... 

We will not start on time, I say this knowing full well that the woman who goes on and on about bullying and the like will demand we all arrive at 9 AM, and she'll finish setting up about 9:30 ish... Last year I drove up that morning, had breakfast, coffee and an hour drive before the woman could roll her lazy backside out of bed, dress and take an elevator to the meeting room -- as she staying in the same blipping hotel... and still was 35 minutes late --  seriously??

And finally -- the girls... the reason I do all this, and I will say they are good kids, but yeesh!!!  It takes dynamite to get them to do ANYTHING and that is after I spoon feed them everything they need, drive them from point A to point B and back again, and then make 3 copies of everything because I am assured that these darling will lose at least one if not two copies of whatever I give them... but then again the parents are just as bad!  Don't expect a response from anyone so I usually have to guess as to who is coming where and how the F they are going to get there!!!

I hate January and February --- there is 6000 pounds of paperwork to deal with and even when I was sick I got 10% help...

This too shall pass I just needed to vent away my frustrations to someone who wouldn't tell me that "You volunteered for this crap"  (yes Bubba -- who else?)

Off to make copies, and see if I can 'borrow' more office supplies...

thanks for listening.

The post Christmas wrap up...

Yes, I know it's already a full week into the new year and I haven't bothered with the usual rantings of Christmas... I've been busy, sick and generally unmodivated... forgive me.

But now - as I'm avoiding my now overdue performance review I find some thoughts... drifting.

I'll start with yesterday, a big day as my medi-port used to deliver that chemotherapy crap is out of my person.  Replaced with a bandage and some general soreness... and once again, I was in an OR, and knocked out  lightly of course and I was home and eating lunch out by 12 Noon.  It was a good day.
Funny story there -- had a lovely nurse named Angela, with her British accent, she was the SAME nurse I had when I had my mastectomy!  I offered an apology for my previous meltdown, and I think handled this visit much better -- that and I think I was unconscious sooner... 

Now let's talk that glorious family holiday known as Christmas... my first thoughts are cripes what a freaking mess...

We stupidly agreed to do Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with the in-laws that then turned into all freaking day Christmas... which then turned into a HUGE meltdown on my part Christmas morning when my father - who generally says nothing -- said something.

I felt about 1/2 inch tall.  Now in the middle of said meltdown here is where my fear of losing my parents kicks into high gear... my father, the trip wire for said meltdown, hugged me, tried to make me feel better even in the middle of the complete irrational sobbing meltdown... my darling husband... yelled at me, told me this was my fault and was a general complete ass.  Which is why I ignored him at church.

That was how I ended up at Christmas morning mass, no make up, blood shot eyes, glasses and I hadn't brushed my teeth... yeah, I had better never go back there again.  Of course if I do it will be with contacts, make up and clean teeth so no one will regonize me.  I hope.

 Christmas Day for lack of a better word - sucked.  The darling children we spent the day with are seriously undisciplined, I chased the little darlings out of my mother-in-law's closet twice; second time they were climbing the shelving, when I quit being THE responsible adult to these children, they stayed in that closet, broke 3 picture frames, including the glass.   I guess we should be thankful that the little darlings weren't cut to ribbons.  To hear my darling niece berating her children when they found the destruction I walked away -- it was on the tip of my tongue to say - - this is your fault watch your children!  Their father -- oh so helpful while sitting on his ass "you better not be climbing"... yeah that's effective.

Post Christmas I found myself doing some internal soul searching and wondering if indeed a problem lies within myself.  My overly emotional meltdown, I cannot tell you where that came from, other than feeling awful my parents thought they were alone, they weren't they went to my sister's house.   I hate myself when I watch my sister and bother with their children, that small kernel of green that there is no one in my life that loves me with that unconditional look those girls give them... still fighting that outsider looking in pity party that I hate - with a vengeance.   It also seriously pisses me off every time we deal with my in-laws and all that crap that she was blessed with 4 children and takes no interest let alone pride in bringing up responsible adults.... on the other hand I doubt my niece has a clue what the heck a responsible adult is....  saucer of milk -- table 1.  Screw that -- do we have any egg nog left??

With all these swimming emotions... and internal belly button gazing... I have come up with... a whole lotta nothin'   my brain is swimming in a mess of too much of what ever and I will keep myself busy and forget all this crap happened.  Next year.... next year we'll find another way to screw things up.  

New Year's Eve was semi-anti-climatic, out to dinner with friends and struggled to stay awake until midnight... we made it and within 45 minutes we were in bed snoring to beat the band. 

New Year's Day saw me cook dinner for 8 people, all of whom are still alive, and did not -- let me repeat DID NOT get sick.   I even got a good dinner honey-bunny from my darling husband.  Along with the perfunctory pat on the head.... the man does not get warm and fuzzy does he??  The other up side was I didn't have a ton of left overs!  I know!  Bubba and I have enjoyed a few dinners of pork BBQ though...

So, here we are a new year.... what will we do with it?  I know there is one more surgery on the horizon... frankly if left-boobie wasn't the dimpled mess that it is I would say screw it but after all this I just want to look 'normal' and if this surgery can get close - we're calling game.   Tired of hospitals, doctors, nurses, and all things medical.   I have a full calendar for girls' group and ladies group and I'm sure my darling supportive husband will be a supreme pain in the nether regions  - so situation normal.

All righty -- off to go write the great work of fiction known as my yearly performance review... filled with things that state I am the greatest thing since sliced bread sitting at my desk, every day, fullfilling the needs of our governmental overlords and making bits and bytes doing all sorts of wonderful things... yadda, yadda, yadda...  

Pass the 'nog - I need some inspiration.